


What they did yesterday afternoon

by wntr_sldr



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) RPF
Genre: Disabled Character, Hallucinations, M/M, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-14 08:54:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9171991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wntr_sldr/pseuds/wntr_sldr
Summary: (...)i’ve been praying,and these are what my prayers look like;dear godi come from two countriesone is thirstythe other is on fireboth need water.later that nighti held an atlas in my lapran my fingers across the whole worldand whisperedwhere does it hurt?it answeredeverywhereeverywhereeverywhere.- Warsan Shire





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mylittlebrat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mylittlebrat/gifts).



He couldn’t help himself. Literally. He wants to roll over the bed, to - maybe - relieve the pain but it is impossible to even try to do that. He breathes deeply closing his eyes and begging his body to stop hurting him, but it doesn’t seem to concede to Charles his little wish. 

 

“Want some help?” a strange but yet so familiar voice asks and Charles’ heart skips a beat. It’s not real, he knows that, his brain knows that but his heart wishes it to be true so badly that makes him want to enjoy these seconds of delirium caused by the pain. His eyes search the room around his bed just to find what he was waiting all day long for, “Do you want some help, Charles?” Erik asks. 

 

“I can’t deal with this anymore,” his face can’t hide all the suffering he’s been dealing with since he stopped to being able to walk. The pain is unbearable but he gets to see Erik that way. The thought of it makes him hate himself even more. Everyday he awakes feeling the weight of the life he is not living anymore. Charles bites his bottom lip to keep himself from crying. “It hurts so much, Erik.”

 

“Your body or your heart?” Erik asks as he starts to vanish from Charles’ phrenitis and the next thing Charles sees is the complete darkness embracing him as he faints from the pain.

 

***

The light strikes through the heavy dark brown curtains awakening Charles with a warm good morning. He pushes the blankets a little bit up just to cover his face but he already lost the battle, wouldn’t be able to go back to his dreamless sleep. Slowly he open his eyes to the painful world, the real one, the one without Erik. He reaches his phone and dials Hank's number, hearing it ringing not far away from his bedroom. About two seconds later, Hank enters the room, carrying a breakfast tray. 

 

"Hey, had a good night, Professor?" Hank places the tray by the nightstand and turns to help Charles to sit in the bed. 

 

"You could say that." Charles has a smile on his face because he doesn't feel comfortable complaining about little things when Hank goes through so much to help him out all day long. He feels ungrateful. "How's everything down there?" He asks while unfolding the napkin and reaching for the coffee. 

 

"Everything is just fine. Don't need to worry." Hank gives Charles about 5 or 6 pills. And that's only by the morning. Human science wasn't able to produce enough pills to help Charles yet. "I don't really know how to tell you this... uh we kind of have company." Hank blushes just a little bit but it's enough to Charles figure out who is the said company without even looking into anyone's mind.

 

"So Raven is here." Concludes taking another sip of his hot coffee. "What for?"

 

"I don't-" Hank doesn't get to finish his thought since Raven, in her blonde girl form, enter the room unannounced.

 

"To see you. What else would it be?" She smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes. She barely manages to keep from crying when she finally sees her brother in a bed, pallid, thin, dark circles under his eye. She had heard about Charles not being able to walk anymore but seeing it hits her far stronger than she would think it would. "How are you?"

 

Charles does not look surprised even if it's the first time they see each other since the damn beach. Deep down he always knew she'd come back for him eventually, even if it is not forever. "Great. Except for the leg thing." He tries to joke about the situation, failing miserably. So he just focus on taking the pills one by one and stuffing himself with donuts. 

 

"Don't. Please." Raven says in a very low tone. Then she looks to Hank. "Can I have a moment with my brother?"

 

Hank wants to answer a simple and yet great 'nope, you haven't been here for the bad moments, you have no rights to ask me to leave the room when I'm taking care of what used to be your family until you decided to walk out on him'. But he won't. Instead he turns to Charles to check if that's what he wants and then leaves when Charles nods, passing by Raven without much of a stare.

 

"Something special you want to talk about?" Charles asks her, staring to his half of a white donut.

 

"I'm sorry. If I'd known..."

 

"It would make any difference?" He finally looks straight to her, his smile expression going away. "I don't think so."

 

“Charles.” She calls him out without strength to go any further. She looks around and notices there’s no wheelchair in the room. She frowns a little. “Where’s your wheelchair?”

 

“I don’t have one.” He lies. It’s not that he doesn’t own one but it’s more like he told Hank to burn the damn thing because he refuses to use it. Truth is that Hank didn’t even got the wheelchair out of the mansion, it’s hidden in the basement. Deep down Hank expects to Charles to open himself to his new life and embrace this part of him. But so far it has not been close to the reality, just a far dream. 

 

“How do you-” The question dies on her lips as she notices that probably Charles doesn’t do things because he has no ways to do so. But what she doesn’t quite get is why he doesn’t have an wheelchair. It’s certainly not because of money, that Charles has lots of. It can only be because he refuses to use one. “Hm.” She approaches the bed, studying Charles’ reaction as if he would shush her away any moment now. He doesn’t though. So she sits by the end of the bed, looking at him. “I’ve truly missed you.”

 

He finally looks up and stares her. Eyes watering. The scene breaks Raven’s heart even more. It all weighs on her back so heavily. She can’t stop herself from taking on the blame for all that happened. 

 

“Me too. Your absence is always deep in my heart.” He can’t contain his love for his sister. As bad as they have been when they part from each other, he wouldn’t ever feel any less for her. She would always be his family. 

 

Raven walks up to him, hugging in the way she feels is most comfortable for him and apparently he thinks so too, because a second later he is reaching to bring her closer. 

 

***

 

This has been happening quite a lot since Raven has visited him. Maybe her presence made him more emotional than he would thought. There are days that he wakes up slightly aware of his arounds and then he sees a shadow in his room. It seems like a real person but Charles is rather a rational man and knows better than to believe that someone is actually in his room.

 

About three days ago, though, it started to happen in a row, for the two nights after that. Charles wakes up from the pain feeling like his head might explode at any time now, his back arching in pain. Around him the world seems blurry, it is all very uncertain. Everytime this happens, Charles can keep himself from asking if that’s Erik. Never got an answer. But tonight Charles is willing to test if this crazy theory of his is so crazy as he thought. 

 

Against his principles - as he called his stubborn self to not take medicine for the pain -, he takes the pills that is supposed to help him to not feel anything but barely really worked. Tonight is gonna go smoothly and not a single person is going to show up in his room, he thinks.

 

It’s past midnight when he feels his upper body going slightly numb and his eyes start to lose the battle against the sleep. He closes them, feeling so tired that he completely forgets what he was up to and surrenders. 

 

He has no idea what time is it when he opens his eyes slowly in the middle of what was probably a dream. 

 

And there he is. Again. 

 

Erik is wearing just normal clothes and dare to smile a little when Charles locks eyes with him. It’s not Magneto. It’s Erik.

 

“Are you really here?” Charles manages to readjust his upper body onto the pillows under him, slightly sitting up just to be able to look at Erik more directly. He needs to make sure it’s just hallucination. That way he can keep on living without any doubts that Erik left him for good. The doubt is what is killing him inside. It’s quite hard to try and move on when your heart keeps telling that  _ maybe… _ when the maybe is not there, neither is the hope. When you know for sure that you won’t get to be with that one person, that your future is not with that person, when the way shows you its final stop and that person is not in there waiting for you, then it is pointless to hang on that tiny little hope that burns deep down inside you. You  _ know _ that is over.

 

If only it was this simple, right? If only by rationalizing it had any effect at all on the feelings. If only.

 

“You see me. You talk to me. I answer to you.” Erik doesn’t move any closer but just by hearing his voice, suddenly his presence seems to be all over Charles, embracing him. “How could I not be here?” this time his smile does not reach his eyes. Charles notices that.

 

“Why?”

 

Charles can’t form a proper question. It is so many whys he wants to ask him. Why did you do that to me? Why did you left? Why did you take Raven with you? Why did you take all that was left from a family to me? Why did you become family to me and then left me? 

 

Why are we not together?

 

Why did you stop loving me?

 

“Why am I here?” Erik chooses the easier one to answer. Now he actually walks towards Charles and his essence suffocates Charles. It’s too much all of sudden. His smell reaches Charles and it has an impact so huge that he has to bite his lower lips to try keep himself from crying. “Because you want it.”

 

Charles does not have the time to consider his words because in the following second Erik leans in and kiss him gently on the lips. It is just a simple touch but it means so much more. And that is the whole problem. Between them two it can not mean anything because it never lasts. Their promises die in the exact moment they leave their lips. Their plans are just plans that will never become reality. And a kiss will never mean anything more. Charles knows it. But this doesn’t keep him from melting under Erik’s surprisingly soft lips. He feels a single warm tear rolling down in his face, his face getting hot and it feels like it’s going to explode. Then he feels a pain so strong spreading from his head to his back, he breaks the kiss and tries to scream before everything turns into an endless black swallowing him. 

  
That was the last time he saw Erik. Real or not. 


End file.
